Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
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