dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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