Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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