In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
