based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
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