Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
