I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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