I accidentally burped into my bong.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Randomize
