I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
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