toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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