ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
