The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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