I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
