maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
This is my gift to your gina
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Randomize
