currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
how do flat chested girls get laid?
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
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