Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
