You can't special order awesome
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Randomize
