9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Randomize
