sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Randomize
