I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
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