Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize
