and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
