Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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