the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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