Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Randomize
