k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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