You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
