Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
