How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
