The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
