I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Randomize
