I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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