Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
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