Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I need a beard to bite.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
