it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
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