i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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