I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Randomize
