my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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