hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
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