well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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