No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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