Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
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