I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I stole a fireplace last night.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
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