Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Randomize
