Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
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