Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
So much Jack, so little girl.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
