I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Randomize
