I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Randomize
