I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You have to summon your inner elephant
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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