If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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