I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
