Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Randomize
