I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
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