9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
