Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize
