Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
