I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
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