There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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