And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Randomize
