Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Randomize
