No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
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