According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Randomize
