Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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