So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
There's a naked man in my car right now.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Randomize
