Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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