my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
Randomize
