Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Randomize
