There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
