i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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