do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Randomize
