This girl is more easily done than said...
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Randomize
