no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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