so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Randomize
