You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
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