Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
This house was built for laser tag.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
