is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
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