I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
21 People Who Barely Escaped Death
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
We should try to put a bagel on your penis