I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON