u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
23 Fathers Confess The Best Way They’ve Messed With Their Daughter’s Boyfriend
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
25 Children of Helicopter Parents Admit The Most Horrible Thing They Were Put Through
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.