after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
