Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I need a burrito and a hug.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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