I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
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I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
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so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
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