White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Randomize
