im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Randomize
