that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
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Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
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And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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