I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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