were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
