am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
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Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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