please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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