Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
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weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
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i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
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